“I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. You’re all locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of look up for a second and go right back inside.”—Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)
“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.”—Elie Wiesel (via feellng)
i don’t understand why we glorify fat. nobody dare to touch those that are overweight. society knows that obesity leads to insulin resistance that leads to diabetes, obesity leads to hypertension because your body works a lot harder to keep all that mass moving, all that weight knackers the joints. because of all the fat your veins collapse. and yet we still see all that crap about “real women are curvy women”…. no, real women are those that can keep up with their kid running around the park. real women take care of their body because they want to be healthy when their grandchildren come around. real women are fit and healthy. real women think about their future and treat their body with respect. being overweight is as abusive to your body as being underweight. but somehow, we have chosen to attack the “skinny” ones and the rest has been given a free pass. it is not easy to become fit. it is even harder to stay fit. but why are we finding excuses for why it is ok to not be fit? this is not an issue of the numbers on the scale. this is an issue of body fat and muscle contents in the body.
n. the moment you realize that you’re currently happy—consciously trying to savor the feeling—which prompts your intellect to identify it, pick it apart and put it in context, where it will slowly dissolve until it’s little more than an aftertaste.
panic, hate, fear, low self esteem, no faith in myself. every single day. it makes life difficult. unnecessarily difficult, and yet this is my day to day reality. every day is a fight to first overcome these before I can leave the house and face the world. and some days, I don’t leave the house. and that’s the reality of it. it’s not nice. and yet there is this little extra thing of if I want help I need to talk to someone about all of this. which means admitting all the things that I hate and find disgusting about what others would call lucky and overpriviledged life. which adds just another layer of hurt and shame to what already is there and what I fight every day. I don’t find that happiness is a choice. I don’t feel like I chose this. people say that those that are unhappy are just lazy with their lives. the effort it takes to look myself in the mirror isn’t lazy. the hate, the fear and the panic isn’t lazy. I don’t like this. I just don’t know how to opt out. in order to get help I need to do the thing I need helping with first. how stupid is that?!